Tonight, I will lie on my floor, curled up in fetal position and crying. There will be music playing so that my neighbours do not hear the loud sobbing. I will, for a few moments, feel ready to die. The welling up of all those unnamed feelings and unuttered words which I have been storing up all this time will gush forth forceful and unrelenting. I will wish, in the deepest darkness of this episode, that I could undo the past year of my life. I will rewind and write over the tapes of all the good things you did and said with bad intentions. I will walk through all the memories awash with alarm bells which I attempted to ignore at first, and then address as if I were dealing with a rational human being. Then I will finish with the absolute worst day climaxing at exactly 25 days ago, but I will not allow my mind to dwell on the details. I will say your name and my lips will be numb to the taste